


Damage

by AileenRao



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Jealousy, Love/Hate, M/M, Unrequited Love, Worship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-29 16:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10858077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AileenRao/pseuds/AileenRao
Summary: He lost a part of him when you left, but he was not the only one who would forever drown in the memory of you.





	Damage

_“I don’t know what brings broken people together; maybe damage seeks out damage the way stains on a mattress halo into each other, the way stains on a mattress bleed into each other.” **-** Warsan Shire **  
**_

* * *

 

_Atem._

 

Your real name, so fitting for a king; it rolls off my tongue so easily when I say it out loud, sounding trivial and familiar as if I had always called you by that name, yet it hurts when the word leaves my mouth.

 

All those years I have called you by _his_ name.

 

 _Little Yuugi_.

 

I will never acknowledge him. He is everything I disdain.

 

But you, _the other Yuugi_ – as those pathetic individuals you considered your friends used to call you – you are everything I could ever admire. You taught me things about myself I would have never found out on my own. You changed me and made me the man I am today. It was you who melted the ice enclosing my heart so I was able to feel compassion again. You gave my life meaning by merely existing and being my rival.

 

But you are gone.

 

And I feel empty.

 

How could you have been so ruthless, so dismissive, shattering my pride entirely by losing to an inferior version of you? He is not deserving of your title, undeserving of even being mentioned in the same breath with you.

 

I have no desire to challenge Yuugi – _your Yuugi_ – and take away what you so foolishly gave to him, because it would mean nothing to me. There is no other human being on this planet that could make me feel the way you do. Dueling you felt ecstatic. Nothing can compare to the ferocity your eyes held when we battled. You stared me down; ruby eyes hard and focused, piercing into my very soul like a knife slicing through soft, pale skin. In that moment, I was the sole purpose you lived and breathed for.

 

And so were you.

 

But you threw all of that away when you let him beat you. No one can ever return to me what is rightfully mine but you.

 

You left with a part of me, took away the reason I strove to rise even further. Without you, my goals start to become meaningless, at times my existence feels pointless and I wonder what I am still doing here. You annihilated my pride entirely.

 

How could you dare take that away from me? How could you dare leaving me with a cheap copy of yourself, a fragile boy who is not even worth licking the dirt off your shoes?

 

And I hate him. He is a constant reminder of the pain you put me through. I hate his large purple eyes and the way they seem to express sympathy, like he knows how I feel. I hate the way he looks so much like you, how his hair is the same like yours, how he still dresses in black leather and wears that ridiculous chocker around his neck, pretending to be a real life copy of the hologram I recreated in your image.

 

Yet, he fills the space in my sheets, keeps me company under the covers.

 

You would be furious if you knew about the things I do to your _partner’s_ small body. _Your precious Yuugi_ , he says he needs to feel something; pleasure or pain, he does not care anymore which emotion dominates when I fuck him. He says he feels empty and numb since you left him. He is so dead behind the eyes.

 

Your little Yuugi, he sticks around my apartment when I leave for work and waits for me to return, lusting for touch. He keeps telling me he needs me to fill him up, because I am the only one who can make him forget.

 

He is lying; he does not want to forget.

 

Every time I penetrate him, he imagines it was you. His eyes are always squeezed shut; no matter what I do to him, how hard I take him, he does not dare look at me. Behind his eyelids, all he sees is you. It is a miserable sight to behold; the way he claws at me with the ghost of you on his mind. It is disgusting, yet I understand how much he wants you, how much he needs you.

 

Still, there is no one who could ever want you the way I do, not even your pathetic little Yuugi.

 

I would have worshipped you, put you on the highest pedestal and kissed the ground beneath your feet. I would have given you sweetest submission, kneeling before you and offering myself to you. No one but me knows how to love _you – a King and a God_. Yuugi could never love you. He would only drown in your regalness, fading away in the light of your grace like everyone else.

 

He is undeserving of you.

 

But I, I have the power to break you, to make you surrender to me. And you would have succumbed to my obsession’s ferocity, becoming obsessed with me and my love for you.

 

Do you really think Yuugi would have been able to give you everything you desired? Do you think he would have known how to lay the whole world at your feet? Are you convinced he would have been able to drive you mad, make you lose your mind with only the touch of his hand?

 

He is just a child with nothing to offer you but his body as your vessel.

 

You have possessed me ever since I first gazed upon your countenance and your eyes, _your tempting eyes_ will forever haunt me. You are a demon, living deep inside my conscience and feasting on my sanity. My memories of you determine my actions and have me breaking dimensions to bring you back. You own me but you will never know.

 

I am heart-broken when I imagine what we could have been. Together, you and I could have risen up even higher and become an entirely new version of ourselves as enemies, as allies, as _lovers_. The connection between us is unique, sincere, sinister, yet pure and stronger than yours with Yuugi could have ever been. You could have experienced a love so fierce, so raw; a love based on deepest mutual appreciation.

 

But you let him sent you away.

 

I wonder if you had stayed among the living, would you deny what I could offer you; would you reject me only to be with your beloved Yuugi? I do not wish to know. Living in the shadow of the boy I despise with every fiber of my being would be the death of me.

 

Yet, what is it you see in that frail child? Is it his large violet eyes? Do they remind you of sparkling amethysts? Is it his porcelain skin that feels so smooth to the touch? Maybe it is his ability of forgiveness or simply his unlimited kindness that makes you cherish him so much?

 

If I wrapped my hands around his neck a little too tight, would you come back from the dead to save him?

 

I wish you would, just to witness the power and control you have over me, and to behold what you could make me do. I would love to see utmost hatred washing across your handsome face, flooding your crimson eyes and making them glow with fury as I tightened my grip around little Yuugi’s slender neck. You would lash out at me, come at me with the intent to kill. And I would fight you with the same fierceness I have always done, stretching you to your limits.

 

Your attention would be mine only, and my eyes; wide and dilated, yet focused would only see you.

 

No one else can make you feel the way I do, not even your little Yuugi. I know you have always been aware of our emotion’s mutuality and the way we possess each other. All those years you tried to convince me of our ancient connection. What a fool have I been for not believing you?!

 

Now that you are gone, it all starts to make sense.

 

Lust is the basis of all passions; it fuels them and gives strength to them all. Desire, cruelty, possessiveness, rage, hatred … all those passions defining our ancient rivalry are founded on lust.  

 

And I adore you as much as I detest you.

 

As much as I detest him.

 

Yuugi. He is always around to remind me of the scars you gave me, hindering me to forget and move on. I could throw him out, could get rid of him. I could make him disappear. I could squeeze the life out of him. Still, I will not do any of it.

 

Just like him, I do not want to forget.

 

He tells me we share the same pain, seeking out the other’s touch to drown out the hollowness you left us with, to fill the hole you left in our hearts.

 

We both are empty vessels, clinging to the vivid memory of you and trying to find a cure against the numbness inside each other’s arms and bodies.

 

He says he understands.

 

As we fuck, his eyes are closed, still mine are wide open. He never sees me. Tears start to run down his cheeks as I thrust into him and he breathes your name.

 

It is degrading.

 

I am jealous of his love for you. And I am jealous of your love for him. It is an oxymoron; a vicious circle in which I slowly lose myself. The two of you have me torn wide open, revealing my suffering to the world for everyone to see; my bruises are visible and my scars show through my façade.

 

Out of love for me, my brother never dares to mention the miserable state I am in. He tries his best to act normal around me, tries to ignore the anguish which has constantly edged its way into my features and pretends he does not notice how I slowly destroy myself. But his eyes give him away; and utmost pity is all I can see when I meet his gaze. He no longer looks up to me and it hurts.

 

I will forever be chasing a ghost.

 

Still, you will not return.

 

You left me.

 

You left him.

 

You left us both.

 

 _You_ , The Nameless Pharaoh, ruler of Upper and Lower Egypt, an ancient spirit – you have imprinted yourself in our minds, haunting us and dictating our lives forever. You are what binds us to the other. You are a curse, staining our conscience with unfulfilled longing for you that makes us seek the other’s nearness despite holding mutual contempt for one another.

 

We are damaged equally.

 

And you are to blame.

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust." Original quote of Marquis de Sade. I liked the idea, hence I used it.
> 
> I only recently watched The Dark Side of Dimensions and got inspired. :'D


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